


Snoke ships it and Armitage is anxious

by HenriMorgo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alien Armitage Hux, Alien Biology, Background Relationships, Cooking, Dinner Parties, Food, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Omega Armitage Hux, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Short Chapters, Snoke Ships It, Some Humor, They friends, Very little actual plot, a/b/o kind of, but like cartoon evil, cat dad hux, hux can be bribed with food, hux is emotionally stupid, hux is oblivious at times, i name all the alien things after drink companies, kind of, kylo is kind of dum, kylo likes to cook, millicent is a rambunctious little kitty, recipe swapping, snoke is a weirdo, surprisingly food centric, the first order is evil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22041679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenriMorgo/pseuds/HenriMorgo
Summary: so, Snoke wants Kylo to use his emotions to connect to the force right? Well, what better way to do that other than getting the kid into a romantic relationship. Snoke has some schemes that might help his poor apprentice get laid.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Dopheld Mitaka/Phasma
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	1. part one: awkward conversations in the throne room

Snoke had called them both to his throne room. Kylo could feel Hux's mind buzzing, he couldn't get specifics but he was sure the annoying redhead was running through numbers or something equally nerdy and inane. Kylo beamed under his mask at his master, he was usually glad to see the scarred wrinkled old man. Hopefully he had a mission for them. Hopefully it wasn't about Snoke's recent hobby of trying to set Kylo up with people. The incident with Thannison was too fresh in his mind and he would likely not live out the embarrassment if word got out. 

"General, my apprentice. Welcome." Snoke attempted a smile but it came off as more of a grimace. He moved from his lounging position into an interested one. 

"Supreme leader." Hux bowed his head in respect. 

"Master." Kylo said. 

"Lord Ren, have you thought about what I said?"

He had to resist rolling his eyes, Snoke could surely tell despite the mask. "Yes I have. Can't we talk about that in private?"

Snoke seemed to ignore that entirely, "So, when are you two going to date, or court or whatever it is that you young ones call it?" He smiled again. Ew. 

Hux's loud thoughts ground to a halt and he got that thousand mile stare he often got when he heard especially bad news. 

Kylo sputtered. "I thought- supreme leader- not _him_ of all people. We don't even like each other. Besides I don't think I need a significant other to access the parts of the force-"

"Ah, that's what I thought until my master set me up with quite a beautiful little gem." Snoke interrupted him wistfully. "I'll never forget the power and love I felt when she carved up my face, left me to rot and disappeared into the cosmos." He sighed. "The second one went much better and we are still together today. But regardless, a healthy codependent, heavily attached relationship is excellent for channeling your emotions. And if you want to grow powerful enough to kill me someday, preferably before I'm old and feeble, then you need to follow my guidance."

Hux was now gaping at the supreme leader and whipping his head back and forth between to two force users. 

"Be that as it may-"

"Your grandfather had Padme, I have Dire, you can have Hux. Though his species may make it rather hard to court him or date him or whatever." Snoke continued as if Kylo hadn't opened his mouth.

Hux snapped his jaw shut and his face went bright pink. 

"I've often heard that you two are fighting on the bridge because of your unresolved sexual tension. Let's get it resolved. Maybe you two can have a little one. I could be the grandpa." 

Hux blinked a couple of times and opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it and closed his mouth and settled into parade rest and checked out of the conversation.

Kylo felt a little lost and alot like Snoke was messing with him. "But master, we don't like each other. And we're both men and you're not even my dad." Like that was the problem with the situation.

"But I love you like a son." He said. Kylo wasn’t certain that it was not sarcastic."I'm wounded." He tapped his chin with his finger and thought for a couple of seconds. "Kylo. The babies would be adorable." 

"Is that your best argument?" Kylo snapped. 

"Adorable babies? Yes." 

"What if I don't want kids?" 

"But I know you do." Snoke said. "Sadly they probably wouldn't get his coloring. Dominant and recessive traits and all."

Kylo glanced at Hux who was resolutely watching the floor with a focus that few had. He was, objectively speaking, pretty and all. Tall thin, copper hair, fair skinned. But he was _Hux._

"And luckily Hux's species has a work around for the both men thing. Ha work around." Snoke chuckled at his own joke. The red clad guard to his left did too, apparently Dire was costuming as one of the guards. 

"No." Hux said, taking a physical step back.

Snoke waved his hand about, "Don't worry about it General. I'll give you full paid maternity leave. I'll even buy the crib."

"No." Hux said again. "I refuse. It is not happening. I will not consent."

"There you have it Master. He doesn't consent. Nothing I can do about that." Kylo never thought he and Hux would be on the same side of an argument, but here they were.

"But you're both single, handsome young men. Why not? How about this. I tell Kylo how to properly court one of your kind and if you don't like it I won't push any further."

"No!" Hux shrieked. "I don’t want him to know. I didn't want anyone to know I was even-" he gestured at himself- "this."

"Nothing wrong with being part human General.” he seemed to have misinterpreted the generals point. “Most of the first order is. I myself have some human in me. No shame in it." He turned to Kylo. "Now my boy the first thing you'll have to do-"

Hux spun on his heel, hand over his ears, and while chanting the word ‘no’ over and over he marched himself out of the throne room.

"Ah, there he goes." Snoke sounded almost sad about it. His data pad pinged. "And hes requested transport back to the Finalizer. I will message him and offer him some fine cuisine." He poked away at the device.

"I don’t like you so invested in my love life." Kylo said and threw his helmet onto the floor. "It’s embarrassing!" 

Snoke tutted at him soothingly, same thing he always did when Kylo threw a fit. “Wouldn’t have to if you were good at it.”

"And now Hux is never going to let me live this down! I hate you!" He screamed and stomped and ignored all he had to say.

"I know." His master answered soothingly. "Now let me tell you how to get a boyfriend." 

"I don't want a boyfriend!" He snatched up his helmet and began to stomp away. 

"Oh, I thought you were-"

"I wanna die old and alone and ruler of the universe!" He yelled, and exited the throne room. 

Embarrassingly Hux was still in the antechamber. He had probably heard the whole thing. Kylo flushed. Hux was still beet red. For a second they just looked at eachother. 

"Yelling and stomping Ren," Hux sneered. "really?" He had his arms wrapped around himself and was wedged into the corner. His jab didn't hold the usual venom. "So why is the Supreme Leader so invested in your love life, pray tell?" 

"Something something, emotions, blah blah blah force. Why do you care?"

"Because now I'm involved you moron!" He squeaked a bit at the end there. 

"Not my fault." Kylo said defensively. "It's your own."

"How, in the nine hells, is it my fault you can't get laid?"

"Hey, I can get laid anytime I want."

"Sure you can. That's why the Supreme Leader is so worried about his precious student not having, what was it, adorable babies?" Hux hissed. 

"I'm gay, of course I'm not going to have children." Why was he telling Hux this? it was none of his business.

"Well that's not really any of my business is it?" Hux made for the door.

Kylo watched him go. Sue him, Hux has a nice ass. He sighed and turned around. Back in the throne room Snoke was patiently waiting for him, fingers steepled. 

"Welcome back." He said, smiled again, ew, and launched into explanations of why love and family was important. Unless they decided to go to the light side, obviously. 

Kylo listened. Kind of, he had heard this talk at least seven times. Sometimes Kylo wished he had ‘no attachments’ Palpatine for a teacher. 


	2. part two: Hux is annoying and can't sleep

Hux was a chronic insomniac. On top of that he thought loudly but was very good a blocking force mind tricks. Most of the time Kylo found him to be an annoying source of force static. On nights where Hux had skipped sleeping the night before and pulled a double shift and then took his sleeping pills and still couldn't sleep he was a source of internal screaming. It drove Kylo up the wall and more often than not could wake him from a dead sleep. And they were next door neighbors. The walls may be sound proofed but that didn't help with mind screaming. Sometimes Kylo hated his innate ability to read minds.

The night after they returned to the finalizer was one such night. Kylo shot out of bed after about an hour or it. Out of his rooms, into the hall in nothing but his sleep clothes and began banging on Hux's door. 

Luckily the troopers had abandoned patrolling this hallway after the fourth time he was yelling at Hux's door in his pajamas and force pushed the patrol into the wall. Hux gave them permission to stop coming around. Then gave Kylo an earful about how they weren't toys they were people and she shouldn't break them blah blah blah. The bastard.

The door hissed open. The General was in his own sleep clothes, long-sleeved turtleneck, full length pants and socks, all black. He raised an eyebrow at Kylo. He noticed that Hux's eyes were red. Not that Hux would ever admit it but Kylo was fairly certain that Hux spent nights like this crying into his pillows. 

"You're doing it again." Kylo said through gritted teeth. 

Hux's cat meowed loudly from the other room. "I honestly think you're insane Ren." 

Kylo advanced through the door, his gracious host backed up, putting himself between Ren and his bedroom door. He always did so when Kylo came to visit. Ren was sure he didn't do so on purpose because he also did it when he wasn't actively tracking Kylos whereabouts, or even when he wasn't looking.

Kylo could easily overpower him and see the room if he wanted to. He didn't do so, not because he respected Hux's privacy, that would be ridiculous, but the first time the two of them met he saw Hux rip a man's throat out with his teeth and Kylo didn't want to deal with that type of tenacity.

"What's wrong this time?" He looked around and saw what he was looking for in the form of a little orange paw sticking out from under the bedroom door. Kylo pointed at it. "You know she's just going to yell until you let her out."

"Don't tell me how to raise my cat." Hux snapped. The cat yelled in response. The door hissed shut automatically behind Kylo. The cat yelled again it sounded like she was dying and Hux sighed. "Why does she like you so much?"

"All animals like me."

"Pompous ass." He carefully opened the door so that Millie could escape but Kylo couldn't see in. 

The feline trotted up to Kylo purring as she went and wound herself around his ankles. 

"So?" Kylo pressed, folding his arms and ignoring the cat. Hux had made it very clear in his first visit that he was not to touch the cat under any circumstances. He had done so with a blade in Kylo’s throat. What was with Hux and going for the throat anyway?

"So what?" Hux rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. Gloveless Hux almost seemed indecent sometimes. 

"What's wrong?" He didn't say it with any care. More like an accusation. 

"Go home Kylo." 

Kylo winced at both the use of his first name and because Hux's internal screaming started back up. Ren opted to not go home and instead sit on Hux's blue couch stubbornly. (He suspected that it was a color shift couch that was a pastel pink when Hux didn't have visitors.)

Hux sighed dramatically. Millicent chirped at him. He sat opposite Kylo on his white arm chair. Millie sat on him and purred while kneading his trouser leg. 

Must have been five minutes before Kylo sighed and broke the staring contest. Not because Hux won but because Kylo was tired and Hux was a stubborn dick. 

"Have you eaten?"

"Yes."

When his was tired was the only time Kylo could catch him in a lie. "I'll cook if you talk." 

For some unknown reason Hux refused to eat in the mess hall so he made everything in his kitchen but was a terrible cook. Kylo didn't eat with the men because of his mask, but he was a wonderful cook. Thus good cooking was near the only thing that the great General Hux could be bribed with. 

Hux milled over his offer. "What kind of food?" 

That was as close to a yes as he was ever going to get. Ren stood up and went to the kitchen, it was attached to the living room and had a breakfast bar. As he went Hux scooped up the cat and sat at the counter holding her close to his chest. 

Two pairs of interested blue eyes trained on Kylo as he looked through the ingredients Hux had stocked up on. For the first few times they did this Hux hadn't eaten in front of him but had since broken that tradition in order to sample the food as Kylo made it. 

After a few moments Hux burst. "Did Supreme Leader tell you everything then?" He said in a rush. The pressure of his anxiety made Kylo suck in a breath. 

"He sent me some files."

"Have you read them?"

"Not yet."

"Will you?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Spite." Kylo grinned at the redhead menacingly. "Should be good to have something to lord over your head."

"Well maybe I should talk to petty officer Thanisson then."

"Asshole."

"Dick."

"Pencil pusher."

"Brute." 

"Mrow." Said millicent.

"Sorry Millie." Hux went back to stroking her. 

Soon Kylo placed a plate in front of Hux. Millie was put on the floor and Kylo glared down at his rival. Whenever Kylo visited (read: barged in during the middle of the night) Hux's usually gelled back hair was down and soft and shinier than ever. While eating, the static from Hux when down to a dull white noise. That meant Hux was reasonably content. Not a thing that happened in Kylo's presence often.

"So just all this anxiety over what Snoke said?"

Hux nodded.

"You know I'm not going to do anything right?" 

Hux nodded again. 

"Then stop worrying, shut up and go to sleep." Kylo went to the door, paused just long enough to look back and see Hux with a small soft smile. It would have been enchanting on anyone else. The asshole.


	3. part three: Kylo does research and hates every second of it

'Dear Kylo, 

Here are the papers I talked about. Sweep that General off his feet and then use those emotions to better the first order

Love, Snoke'

That was how Snoke always ended personal messages to him. It was weird, but whatever. Kylo opened the file. He had transferred a copy to Hux earlier. They had an unspoken treaty, let the other one know what you know about them. It had been in place since Hux made him cry that one time (they would never talk about it). 

'Delta, beta, alpha, omega' it was titled. Alright. Kylo scrolled through it. It wasn't very long. Had bright colors and a weird font.

'The four genders and you' said the next section. Was this for middle schoolers or something? Kylo knew he was kind of dumb but he’s not  _ that _ dumb. There was a little notation from Snoke that read 'this one' next to the header that said 'omega' in bright pink letters. It hurt his eyes. But spite drove him to press on. 

'Omgeas, or male presenting carriers, are one of the less common genders but no less important!' Okay ew. Kylo was not going to read this whole fucking thing. He decided the hollo net would be a better source of information. When he found a suitable more scientific article he shot a link off to Hux and dug in. 

'Behaviors: territorial like the rest of the species. Relatively unsocial eaters on average. Hostile and solitary but generally less assertive and more feminine than their delta counterparts. Take the submissive role during mating. Are courted by others of the species (see courting). Noticeable changes in the way the omega treats the courtier as time goes on if the courting is accepted. Going from near hostile to happy and calm. 

Courting: courting by an omega near never happens. To begin courting the counterpart begins with offerings of food (see diet), then escalates to gifts and or feats of strength. If courting is accepted the omega will let the counterpart into their nesting area (see nesting practices). Time will be spent together to get the omega used to the courtiers scent. When the omega enters his heat cycle (see heat cycle) mating will commence and the bond will be formed (see bonding)' 

Hux had weird biology. He put the paper down, now much less interested. He decided to go train in the gym. His data pad beeped before he could move. 

"Largely inaccurate and entirely annoying." - General Hux. 

"Also a boring read." - Lord Ren. 

"Hostile and solitary does fit you though." -Lord Ren

He dropped the device onto his bed and went to change. 

"Fuck you" - General Hux.

Kylo smiled at that. It wasn't often that he got Hux to swear. Must be a sore spot for him.


	4. part four: Hux gets drunk and Millicent escapes

It was evening, or the ships version of evening. The morning shift was over. Meetings were done and Kylo was enjoying some time in the gym kicking some training droid ass when he abruptly sensed a sharp spike of extreme panic. He stopped the training and half jogged out into the hallway, it was mostly deserted save for him and Hux who was speed walking towards the knight with a fraction of a terrified expression on his stony face. 

He had changed out of his uniform and into his civilian wear, high collared shirt and jacket, pressed trousers and polished shoes. He had his hands behind his back but the force told Kylo he was fidgeting them. 

"Hux?" 

"Ren." Hux said harshly and moved to speed walk past him. 

Kylo was really getting tired of being worried about someone he was supposed to hate. "I sensed panic, what's going on."

Hux stopped abruptly and mouthed the word 'sensed'. "Ren, can you sense animals?" He asked carefully. 

"Of course." Kylo was confused by his question. Hux should have known that. He was fairly certain he did tell him at some point.

"Um," Hux uncharacteristically bit his lip and didn't make eye contact. He sniffed and looked down so Kylo couldn't quite see his face. "The cleaning droid came and when the door opened Millicent got out." His shoulders sagged. "I can’t find her and I don’t know what to do. When Mitakas reptile got out a couple of months ago a trooper got scared and shot it. What If that happens to her. I couldn't bare it-"

Oh, Hux was crying in the hallway. Kylo didn't know what to do. Usually he was the one crying (they didn’t talk about it).

"She’s so little, and she had claws but she can’t defend against blaster fire." He heaved in a shuddering breath and looked up at Kylo. "Oh god, what if she gets stuck in a wall and then starves to death slowly over several days and we never find her body."

Hux could lead armies, kill people, buy children and brainwash them without blinking. But he lost it over his cat. Kylo lifted his arms, he had meant to rest one hand on Hux's shoulder and tell him to suck it up and get over it but Hux moved forward and cuddled into him without warning and Kylo found himself patting the General’s back while he sobbed into his sweaty workout gear. 

An officer turned the corner and Kylo shook his head at her. Her eyes were wide and confused but she backed up from where she came. He would have to track her down and erase her memory later. 

"Um, Hux, we're in the hallway."

"I know we're in the hallway!" Hux yelled into his chest. Hux never raised his voice. 

"Alright, alright." Kylo muttered himself some encouragement. "How about I help you find her, do you want that?"

"Of course I want your help, you're my only friend! Who else would I ask?" He was still full on sobbing. 

Oh, is that what they were? Kylo had thought they were enemies who worked together when their jobs depended on it. 

"I'm a terrible parent." Hux announced morosely.

"No you're not. I'm sure your cat is fine." He waved away another gym goer who raised his eyebrow condescendingly at them. 

Hux sighed, rested his check on Kylos shoulder, and sniffled a few times. 

"So, we're friends?" Kylo asked. He hadn't had a friend since he killed his last knight of Ren. Ah, good times.

"Of course we're friends. I might be a bit drunk-" that explained it- "but we text all the time, and you keep me company when I can't sleep and we eat together sometimes."

"Let's go find your cat." 

"Yes," Hux stood up and wiped his eyes, the soft cotton of his leisure gloves got wet. "Let's." 

On the way back to the scene of the crime (Hux’s chambers) Kylo shielded Hux with the force, giving him the outward appearance of a man who hadn't just had a breakdown in front of the officers gym.

Apparently Hux had shot the offending droid. It was in pieces and jamming the door open to Hux's quarters where the pastel pink couch was plainly visible. Kylo knew he had recognized it from the finalizer furniture catalog. 

"Pink huh?"

"Shut up and look for my cat." Hux angrily kicked the destroyed droid out of the doorway and skittering into the hall. It scuffed his shoe in the process. Sober Hux wouldn't like that. 

"How much did you have to drink anyway?" Kylo followed him in. 

"About-" he held up his fingers an inch apart. "Of that." He pointed to a small bottle of a rather weak wine. 

"Then how on earth are you drunk?"

"I'll explain it later. Find my cat."

Kylo sighed. If Hux weren't still giving him that worried expression he would have said no. "I'll need something of hers to track through the force.”

Hux held up a finger. "You stay by the door and I will go get her kerchief." He spun around and placed a hand on his bedroom door. He glanced back at Kylo to make sure he hadn't crossed the room and then slipped inside as fast as he could. He was back out in a second.

Pink scrap of fabric with ginger fuzz on it. Kylo took it and focused on the force signature. Again they were off through the halls of the finalizer. It was difficult but they tracked her to a conference room a few halls down from the bridge and Hux office. She was up in the ceiling somehow. 

"So your concern about the walls was valid."

"Of course it was, you ass." Hux dragged a chair under the ceiling tile with soft meows coming from it. "Its okay baby." Hux cooed at her. “I’m here to help.” She meowed louder. He jumped onto the chair and popped open the adjacent ceiling panel. He reached inside. "No! Don't run away!" The pitter-patter of little feet crossed the room. 

Hux did this two more times before Kylo decided to offer to help. "I could get her with the force."

"You're not allowed to touch her." Hux said matter of factly. 

"Come on Hux this is ridiculous." 

Hux reached into the ceiling again. "Come on, come on. Ha! I touched her!" 

The sound of cat steps approached the dividing wall to the next room. "Look, I don't want to spend all day chasing your cat."

Hux whined in the back of his throat. The noise didn't really sound human and he looked at Ren with wet eyes. 

"I won't hold her for long okay, just long enough to get her down." They could hear her wiggling through the ceiling into the next room.

"Just- don’t hurt her."

They switched places. Kylo felt a bit stupid standing on a chair with his arm in the ceiling. Force grabbing her and bringing her toward his out starched arm was simple. As soon as he had her, all soft and purring, Hux was making that weird noise again and raising his arms to take her. 

"She’s very soft." He taunted.

"Give her here." Hux demanded. 

Kylo gave her long fur a little ruffle. "Say please."

"No, she’s mine!" Hux grabbed at the bottom of Kylos shirt.

"She loves me." He teased and kissed her on the top of her soft kitty head. 

Hux gasped, scandalized. 

Kylo finally handed the cat back. Hux hugged her until she squeaked. "Thank you." Hux said looking at Kylo through his eyelashes. 

"Yeah, call it a favor." Kylo hopped down off the office chair. Weird day for him.

"Come back to my place to hang out." It wasn't an invitation but an order. Kylo rolled his eyes and went with it, mostly out of curiosity. 

Back in the General’s quarters Hux was flat on his back on the floor holding the ever patient feline above him looking her over for any damages. 

Kylo lounged on the soft pink couch, pink because Hux had forgot to change it back to blue, and leisurely ate some too sweet ice cream Hux had given him as thanks. 

"So, why are you such a lightweight?"

Hux hummed. "Well, you know how I'm not human?"

"Yeah, but you're half right?" 

"No, a fourth." He put the cat down and sat up into a cross legged position. "Dad was a half, noble marriage and birth, mom was a fullblood and working in the kitchens, I am a bastard." He sounded saddened and troubled by that. "Anyway, seventy five percent of me never evolved with alcohol so I have absolutely no resistance but it won't kill me. I am resistant to most poisons though." He hummed and went to pet the cat, who had nearly had enough attention for one day. "You were a naughty kitty today Millie." 

"You're quite loose lipped when you're drunk General." Kylo observed. 

"Yes, well, we're friends." He booped the cat on the nose. "And Millicent likes you so it’s okay." 

"You hated me yesterday." 

"You are quite annoying yes." The cat ran away and he frowned. 

Kylo looked from the couch to the kerchief he had yet to give back and then the ice cream. All bright cheery colors if pink. "So, uh pink?"

"It's a good color." Hux went to immediate defensive.

"Didn't say it wasn't."

Hux squinted at him suspiciously for several moments. "Make me food."

"Is that an order."

"Lord Ren please make me food." It still sounded like an order. He flopped over onto the carpeted floor. 

"You can call me Kylo. I don't mind." He got up. He really did enjoy cooking.

"My first name is Armitage." He followed Ren, blocking the door to his room habitually. 

"That is-" Ren paused to think. "Both suiting and not."

"Yes, it is General Hux, in all capitals, and then armitage in all lowercase." He drummed on the counter, his hands still gloved.

"Exactly." Kylo pulled out the cookware. "Have I made you meatloaf?" 

"Sounds horrible, but then again so did all of those pasta dishes when you first started cooking for me." 

"There is nothing gross sounding about alfredo parmigiana." He pointed at Armitage with the bread pan. 

"Alright, whatever." He looked over at Millicent who was busy licking her back right paw. "Come here and sit on my lap, you fur ball." The cat ignored him. "Should have gotten a dog but they’re so excitable and don't come in orange very often."

"You got her because she was orange?" 

"Well yes." He attempted to lure the cat over once again. "Were twinners." He said to Kylo. 

"Huh." Kylo said dumbly. 

Armitage spotted the still open wine bottle, took a quick swallow and then returned the cap to its rightful place. He held it out for Kylo to put away. 

"Should you have done that?" 

Hux giggled at him. "It's my day off tomorrow. Is it your day off?"

"We always have Sundays off together, hadn't you noticed?" Kylo took the wine just to get it away from Armitage. 

"Nope. You should drink too." He smiled warmly at Kylo. It was cute but it made him uncomfortable. 

"This wont get me drunk." 

"Your place is just next door. Go get something that will get you drunk. I'll turn on some music and we can waste the night away." 

"Why?"

"Millie likes you." Armitage chirped. Kylo raised an eyebrow at him. "Fine, you arse, I'm lonely and I have no friends."

"Me too." Kylo shrugged. "I'll be right back then."

Hux clapped happily. 

An hour later found them laying head toward head looking up at the ceiling. They were going through star charts for some reason. Kylo had his favorite bottle of whiskey fisted in his right hand. 

"So, you guys got four genders?" Kylo slurred. It was a complete change of subject from supernovas and gas clusters.

"Aye," Hux said. His accent he usually had vanished gradually over the course of twenty minutes after his second drink. Replaced with something softer and more human almost. "Myself, omega. Da was a delta, so is Mitaka by the way."

"Really?"

"He's only a fourth. And you would be considered delta, human women are considered beta an' then if you think of a human transwoman you get close to what an alpha is." 

"Huh. So are you and Mitaka friends then?" 

"Oh no. He's a subordinate, t'would be unprofessional. An' he harbors a crush on me, pretty sure, and that makes me uncomfortable considerin' he's married to a woman and all."

"But you knew about his pet-"

"That's cause he cried about the damn snek for a week an' I had to punish the trooper responsible." Hux sighed. "Though I think I would have shot the beast of if I unexpectedly saw it slithering about."

"So he's married." Kylo tried to reconcile the image of the man shaking like a leaf and stuttering with the idea of him being in a relationship with some mystery woman. 

"Aye, ta Captain Phasma." Hux adjusted the stars they were looking at to show constellations mapped out by the locals of each planet. It was very pretty. 

"And is she?" He flapped his arm in the air, he actually didn't know what species hux was mixed with. The name had alluded all conversation.

"No, she full human as far as I'm aware." Hux rolled over and propped his head up on his hand. "Should I kill him if he steps out on her?"

"She would probably do it herself." Kylo said. 

"Probably right." He laid back down. "Wanna see the first system I conquered?"

"I helped you conquer it. But yes I would. How did you know about the thing with Thannison?" 

"Kylo, idiot," he said it like an endearment. "You were trapped in an elevator for over two hours. I got constant updates. Then you both come out looking like you'd witness you grandmother naked. I guessed. Also security cameras." 

"Oh," Kylo could have sunk into the floor.

"Don't blame ya though, Thannison is a beautiful man. If I had a sex drive-" 

"What do you mean if?" 

"Sweet Lord an’ maker. Did you not read through those articles you sent me. After all  _ you  _ sent them to  _ me. _ "

"I skimmed them." Kylo said. Embarrassment was compounding.

"My species carriers mates for life, usually when young. Develop a sex drive after that."

"So you're saying you're a virgin?"

Hux groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Are you a child?" 

"No, but I am fairly drunk. In not by the way, a virgin I mean."

"Not really my business now is it."

“Have you ever been kissed?” kylo wondered.

Armitage groaned aloud. “Of course I have. I did have some romances. I’m not aromantic.”

"Hee, aromatic." Kylo said. 

They sat in silence for a bit whilst Armitage fiddled with the star chart. 

"I'm not very good at getting the romances going." Kylo took a swig of his bottle. 

"Yeah?" Hux obviously wasn't interested in kylos lack of a love life. 

Ren took another drink and smacked his lips obnoxiously. 


	5. part five: Kylo makes breakfast and they get a mission

Kylo woke up slightly confused but surprisingly not hungover. He instinctively reached out with the force. The surroundings were familiar but not his. Had he fallen asleep at Hux's place? Kylo felt gitty at the thought. Hux was trusting him enough to let him sleep on his- well, kylo was on the floor. The blanket was soft though. Softer than his own. 

He could sense the man in the other room. He was still asleep. So was the cat. Breakfast was in order. He probed at Hux's sleeping mind. His dreams reminded Kylo of the weird music they'd listened to last night. Kylo listened in until Armitage began to wake and the pleasant noise turned to Hux's usual static. Kylo put down some painkillers and water where Hux usually sat. 

Emotions unexpectedly flooded the force. Regret, followed by hope, then disbelief, and more hope. Then surprisingly a territorial anger that quickly fizzled out into curiosity. 

Kylo leaned so he could see through the part way open door. He was a lot of oranges and greens and blues. He didn't see Hux. 

"Morning!" He called. Irritation. Good, normal Hux was back. 

The general emerged looking bleary eyed and with bed head. A soft colorful robe was wrapped around him and he was giving Kylo his patented suspicious look. Kylo sensed the barest whisper of nervousness. 

The orange ball of fluff decided to deposit her fur on his pant legs. "Morning to you too Millie." Kylo said. "How do you like your caf?" 

Hux squinted at him angrily. "Black." He took his usual seat at the counter. 

"Eggs and toast alright? I'm a bit hungover and don't want to make a big breakfast." He was lying but Hux continued his act of irritation seeming to not have noticed.

"Didn't ask you to."

"I like cooking."

"Your hobby then?" The general sounded like he was trying to mock Kylo but it didn't come off with the same amount of venom his usual jabs did.

Kylo smiled at him. "Yeah, among calligraphy I suppose." 

Hux gave him a non committal hum and took the medication. Kylo gave him his morning caf and he took a few moments to blow on it. It was kind of adorable, especially when he had that soft smile. Then hux clicked, another strange inhuman noise. Though this one wasn't was distressing and more endearing. He quickly covered it up with a cough and a scarlet face.

"What does the clicking mean?" Ren asked, turning to the stove to stir the eggs. "You did it alot last night before I fell asleep."

"Shove off Ren." He sipped at the warm drink. 

Ren snorted at him. "I'll figure it out myself then." He did hate research though. 

Hux glared as he drank, watching Kylo. Armitage seemed normal as ever. He could hear Millie crunching away at her own breakfast, a soothing sound. 

Food was in front of him. As promised, eggs and toast. Kylo sat next to him and they ate in silence.

Armitage kept glaring, he looked like a ruffled cat. He didn't ring in the force as mad or irritated though. Maybe this was just morning hux. He also kept glancing at kylo suspiciously. That was a very hux like behavior. 

"We have new orders from Snoke." Kylo announced. 

Hux pulled out his data pad. "Indeed." 

"Diplomatic mission."

"So you'll be totally useless."

"I do choppy choppy not talky talky." Kylo reached down and petted the cat. So very soft. 

Hux eyebrows raised. "A diplomatic mission to one of the colonies of my mother's species." He tapped away at his data pad. Kylo watched as he selected personnel and mapped a quick route then sent everything away to his subordinates to look over. "I'm not happy about this." 

Kylo shrugged and ate his toast. "I'll man the bridge while you do the talking." 

"At least you are adept at that." Hux grumbled, picking at his eggs. He reached down to pet the cat too. 


	6. part six: Hux sees a doctor and gets some hot chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fist one from Armitage's point of view.

Hux sat in the medical room kicking his feet about and chewing on his lip. It was the middle of the night when the least amount of people would see their commander slinking in to the doctor's office and start terrible rumors. 

Hux did have a specific doctor and was waiting for her arrival. He always felt mildly bad about waking her up in the middle of the night. But it was only after a couple hours of pacing and agonizing contemplation that actually got him to muster up the courage to come here. He despised all things medical. Hux wasn't an idiot however and knew when he needed help.

Armitage stopped kicking and chewing at his lip and composed himself into General Hux when he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He held his straight backed position until the door slid back shut behind doctor Lukinear. She was a redheaded woman in her mid to late thirties. He had hired her onto this specific ship because she specialized in mixed species and, more importantly, in his specific biology. 

He hated what would come next. Lukinar walked forward. "Ready?"

"Never." He said pulling back his lips to show his sharp teeth. They were the one thing his father hadn't had surgically altered to look more human.

"So aggressive." She said and scooted a seat so that she was closer to being across from him and click her pen and shoved it over flimsy. "What brought you here general?" 

Hux frowned, biting back the habitual 'none of your business'. "I am concerned over new emotional changes."

"Think it's caused by your new medication?" She scribbled something down in her native language. "Be a bit more descriptive?"

"I am happier than normal." It sounded so stupid out loud. 

She ducked her head down to hide a smirk but Hux knew full well that she was laughing at him. It made him bristle. 

"Have you been getting more sleep?"

"No more or less than usual."

"Still only three or four hours on average?"

He nodded and folded his arms in irritation. "You said that the medication could be an antidepressant. I don't need an antidepressant, I need sleep."

"Any changes in your social life."

"I don't have a social life." He snapped. "But Ren has been stopping by more often."

"Ah." Lukinar shifted in her seat. "Have you thought about seeing the psychologist."

"I haven't the time." He regretted his decision to come here. 

"General, making some friends and being happier are good things." She scribbled. "I'm giving you a medical order to see that psychologist. No offence sir, you're smart man when it comes to most things but an absolute idiot when it comes to emotions." 

"If you weren't the best doctor in the fleet I would have your head."

Lukinar pulled out her data pad and submitted the order. "I know I know. It's just once every other week."

"It's weakness." He said. It didn't change her mind and he left feeling embarrassed. 

He stomped through the halls hoping to catch someone to reprimand instead he found Kylo on his way back to his chambers. He was clad in his ridiculous robes and stupid helmet. 

"General." Ren greeted. 

"Bucket head." Hux grumbled. 

He could feel Ren roll his eyes as he reached up and unlatched the mask. He then took a few seconds to undo his braids he used to avoid helmet hair and then focused back on Hux. 

"Why so red tonight General?" 

"None of your business." He snapped. He almost regretted it when Ren’s stupidly expressive face pinched up into slight disappointment. "Unpleasant meeting is all."

"In the middle of the night cycle?" He tilted his head. 

"Well where were you then?" Hux punched the code into his door and was unsurprised when kylo followed him in like a big shadowy dog. 

"Meditating with Snoke, important training. Master did ask me how my dating life is going though. He seems to have moved away from the idea of us dating."

Irritation ran down Hux's spine. Damn that wrinkled old man. Hux was so uncomfortable with the barest insinuation of anyone being interested in him, made him gag almost. 

"Oh," Kylo said, "I didn't mean to upset you." He had already wandered over to Hux's kitchen. Honestly the man spent so much time in there that Hux should just gift him the whole thing.

"Stay out of my head." Hux contemplated returning to the bridge.

"Not like I can read your mind anyway." Kylo mumbled. "Honestly Armitage, the force enables me to read emotion. I mostly do it on accident." He looked bashful. "Where's Millie?" 

Hux spun about in a circle and pointed to the top of his bare shelves where one paw was barely visible from the kitchen. "She has a blanket up there."

"Cute." Kylo said and hux glared at him. 

“Of course she’s cute. She’s always cute. Now get out. I have plans to return to the bridge.”

Kylo sighed. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m never fun.”

“Not true, you are a pretty fun drunk.” Kylo retrieved a saucepan and plethora of ingredients and turned on the stove. “You like sweet things right?”

“I’m not hungry.” He was fully aware that he was pouting now as he paced about the room.

“Me neither, that’s why I’m making a drink. I call it hot chocolate.” he seemed pleased with himself as he added milk to the pan and began to whisk it on a low heat. 

Hux had to resist the urge to growl in frustration but soon settled down when the pleasing smells began to fill his room. His curiosity got the better of him and he hovered over Kylo's shoulder. 

"It's not alcoholic is it?" 

Kylo shrugged. "Could be, but I would have to play with the recipe. Especially with your tolerance." 

"So what are you doing? Does it need so much beating?"

"I'm whisking, not beating. I don't want the milk to scald." He shoved Hux back a bit with his elbow. 

Hux moved back to where he was. Fuck Kylo's personal space, he wanted to see. "And then what? Isn't cocoa bitter?"

Kylo sighed and shoved him back again. "Obviously I'm going to sweeten it."

"Sugar? I only saw you use sugar with the tomato sauce?"

"To cut the acidity." Kylo sighed again when Hux settled in close. "Do you want me to explain every little thing I'm doing?" 

"Preferably yes." Hux settled into a lean against the counter top. 

Kylo huffed in annoyance. "Personal space Armitage." He gently moved Hux away this time. "How about you get a stool and sit and watch?"

"I'm not a child Ren." He snapped as he did as Kylo suggested, slamming the stools legs on the ground to point out how irritated he really was. "There, now explain." He crossed his legs daintily and gestured 

"So, uh, what do you know about cooking?" 

"I know that if you throw an egg into some water it gets hard boiled."

"Good sweet maker." Kylo muttered pinching the bridge of his nose. "How can you run a city sized ship with ease but not know how to cook?" 

"Cooking is not necessary for leadership." Hux sniffed. Kylo should know such a thing. "It isn't for Jedi training or whatever it is you do either."

"I'm NOT a jedi!" Kylo clenched his jaw, seemingly internally reprimanding himself, and then much more softly, "it is kind of necessary for life though. If you don't want to eat with the men then you have to know how to cook."

"I did just fine." 

"You looked malnourished!" Kylo ran a hand through his hair. "You have some weird knowledge blind spots."

"You know," Hux said dangerously, "I've had quite enough of people saying I am stupid tonight." 

Kylo chuckled. It was such a pity that Ren wasn't afraid of him. "Who else would dare call you dumb?"

Hux grumbled. "My doctor. She says I am emotionally dim, whatever that means." 

Kylo laughed aloud and hux wanted to smack him. "Supreme leader really is wise. He’s said emotional intelligence is the only kind I have."

"So you're aware you're about as bright as a rock in a cave on a sunless planet?"

"Rude." Kylo remarked and his ears turned pink. "So did she make you go see a therapist or something?" 

Hux didn't answer and so Kylo continued. "I've seen like three therapists, a counselor and a psychologist. The first order is annoyingly concerned with its peoples mental health."

"One does not willing join an evil organization without the killer benefits." He shrugged lacking his hands over his left knee. 

"I wouldn’t say evil-"

"Kylo, we steal babies." 

"So did the Jedi." Kylo mumbled. 

Hux sighed. "Stealing babies is bad."

"You have morals?"

"More like I am aware of them but I just don't care." He leaned forward more. "Now what are you doing?"

"Adding sugar. Who taught you morals?"

"Moral studies throughout cultures 101 at Arkanis institute."

"Ah, your officer finishing school." 

"Yes the one where we were encouraged to try to kill the top ranking student and I was the top ranking student." 

"Brutal."

"Well, you killed all of your classmates right?" Hux blinked at him. "Not so different are we now?" 

"Suppose not."

If Hux had known that hot chocolate had existed before he likely would have killed someone over it. Or several someone's. It was divine and creamy and so very sweet. 

"Ah, knew it, means your happy!"

Hux hadn't even realized he was clicking. He glared and bared his teeth at kylo. 

"Woah." kylo leaned in closer to hux, who leaned back in equal distance.

"What?" He sipped at his drink. So good. He could die right now and shrug. 

"The sharp teeth. I've never seen them before, you got many other inhuman traits."

Hux decided he would forgive his large dickish companion for the probing. He had made a wonderful drink after all. "Not anymore." He reached up and tugged on his collar. "My father had them all surgically removed saying that they were useless. These used to be gills." He poked at the long thin scars on his neck with his index finger before replacing their protective coverings.

"So your species is aquatic?" Kylo hummed. "I'll have to adjust my menu."

Hux rolled his eyes. What a terrible culinary nerd. "Yes. I thought you said you would do some reading."

"Or I could just ask you." Kylo wiggled closer in interest. "So you had gills, what else." 

"Webbed fingers, I think, and toes. The ears were reshaped, thank the gods I didn't get my mother's nose so that remains unaltered. He had some pigment removed in a couple of places." He ligitmently had to think about it, he was so young when it had all happened. "But sometimes those temporarily return if I spend a lot of time under a yellow sun."

"What colors are those then?"

"What colors do you think? Copper and pink." He gestured at his hair. Was kylo stupid? The answer to that was definitely.

"Could everything be put back?" Kylo sounded sad for him. That baffled hux.

"I suppose. I've never looked into it."


	7. part seven: Mitaka swaps recipes with Lord Ren

Kylo was hovering about on the bridge mostly to annoy Hux who was doing a damned good job of acting as if he weren't bothered in the slightest. The crew was always jumpy around Lord Ren which is why he didn't cover the bridge very often. Nervous staff made for less efficient staff. He could see Mitaka half flinching everytime he glanced over and saw Ren just standing there. Kylo was harboring a small amount of curiosity towards the strange little man. 

Eventually after a half an hour or so everyone pretended he wasn't there. Kylo watched them all scurry about doing their jobs and giving Hux reports which he thought very loudly about. Almost as loud as his internal screaming. Little bastard.

Kylo almost fell asleep under his helmet when something in the force told him to pay attention. It wasn't a danger warning so he could have ignored it but he was bored, so why not. 

"General sir, I'm making a caffeine run do you want anything?" Timid little Mitaka was attempting a friendly smile. 

"No-" Hux interrupted himself and turned to kylo who wasn't so far off. "Actually Ren, I was wondering if we could program in the recipe for that drink you made into the caf machines. Give us a bit of variety."

"No, they run with hot water, I wouldn't be the same." he was almost offended. Compromise his recipe, not in a million years.

Hux looked momentarily crest fallen at the news but quickly brought himself back to General Hux mode. "Very well." and went back to being absorbed in the report he had received. 

"And, um, what drink is that sir?" 

"Some creamy sweet monstrosity." Kylo answered. 

"Oh!" Mitaka chirped happily. "I would love for you to send me that recipe. I can send you one of mine in exchange." 

"What do you suggest?" He tried sounding menacing but they were talking about exchanging recipes. He heard Hux snort at him.

"I have one passed down for a couple of generations for an upside down cake. It's not just one of those you pull off the hollo net either."

If Kylo weren't slightly taller and standing almost directly behind the General he wouldn't have seen him jot down 'note to self: can find recipes for sweets on hollo net' before switching back to the energy use report he was pouring over. 

"Send it over." Ren said. 

"Oh good." Mitaka seemed to let out a breath like he was half expecting Ren to impale him for asking. "Lord Ren? Uh, do you want some caf? I'm making a run for, like, three people anyway."

Oh, Mitakia didn't have a crush on Hux, he was just stupidly friendly when not scared out of his wits. Interesting. So Hux saw people who were annoyed at him to be friendly and people who were friendly to be amorous, which made him nervous. 

"No." Ren said. He didn't want to be rude but he did have an image to maintain. 

"Ah." He nodded his respects to his leaders before rushing off. 

Hux tsked and shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its short


	8. Part eight: Kylo and Phasma plan a dinner party

Ren didn't really have friends aside from the General. What he did have was sparring partners. Among them was the imposing Captain Phasma, who honestly could kick his ass with a vibro spear. Hand to hand Kylo usually won. Today wasn't one of those times and the blonde had him pinned to the mat.

"Fuck you, let me up." Kylo groaned. 

"What's got you out of sorts?" She asked and pulled him to his feet. 

Kylo didn't answer and instead grumpily kicked his water bottle across the room where it exploded against the wall. It was his fourth one this week. 

Phasma, as always, was unimpressed. "Come now, I'll buy you a drink." She ran a hand through her sweaty hair and headed to the unisex showers, Kylo trailing close behind her. "Boyfriend troubles?"

"Why does everyone care so damned much about-" 

"Fine then, Hux troubles?" 

"The little weaselly bastard! I made the mistake of making him hot coco-"

Phasma hissed sympathetically. "Yeah, don't give the General sweet things."

"I doesn't matter the time to the Great General, he just-" kylo screamed in frustration and punched a locker. His hand hurt, that was stupid. 

"Yeah, I gave him a candy once when he was my captain and he pestered me for a week. Had to explain that was all I had at least fifty different times. Dopheld's kind of the same way except he can tell when it's appropriate to ask."

"He's like-" Kylo flapped his hand in the air. 

"Half Dasani? Yes. A lot of the officers are, they being from Arkanis and all." She started the water. "Luckily for me though Dopheld is only half, after about the seventy percent range the Dasani genes come out more and you get the hyper territorialism, aggression, inability to hold their liquor, sharp teeth, weird ears, etcetera."

"Well, that's because he's only about a third I think." She scrubbed her hair and they lapsed into silence.

"What do I do to get him to stop bothering me?" 

"I'm not getting involved with your strange relationships Lord Ren." 

"We're friends, it's not strange." He stepped under the hot water letting it soothe his aching muscles. 

"If you say so sir." 

"I feel like you're mocking me."

Phasma dried off and checked her data pad. "Are you with Lord Ren? Please tell him to check his messages." She read aloud. She glanced over at Ren’s data pad, he had a bad habit of leaving it unlocked. "Kylo, look at this cake I found, make this for me next."

Kylo groaned. "He's so demanding."

"He likes you." She said. "Back when the General and I were what I would have considered friends he was the same way, only he wanted all of the available blankets in the barracks we shared." 

"You were friends?"

"Just naturally drifted apart. That was years ago." 

"You should come hang out with us then. Apparently I'm making cake." He even sounded defeated to his own ears. 

Phasma smiled. "Dopheld and I can host. Family quarters are larger than the singles you two have got." 


	9. part nine: finalizer has a chat room

Finalizer in-ship web

Chat room: operation get our dear General a friend.

Online: Unamo, Mitaka, Trach, Anjay, Kandia, Aderat 

Unamo: someone said they saw the general crying by the officers gym, poor guy only had LR for comfort

Trach: did LR make him cry?

Unamo: let the ren report deal with the matters of ren

Kandia: probably, LR made mitaka cry more than once.

Mitakia: hey!

Anjay: leave off, M is our best shot at getting dear general to befriend someone.

Mitakia: what? Why don't you guys give it a shot.

Unamo: I did, I think he thought I was hitting on him but ur married so...

Trach: yeah, we wanna make his life easier not sexually harass the guy

Kandia: I wanna sexually harass him

Anjay: not cool

Kandia: have you SEEN him?!?!?

Anjay: as per my last message- not. Cool.

Aderat: have we tried bribing him with food? I thought that all of his kind we bought with food. No offence mitaka.

Mitaka: offense taken. 1. Not all 2. Humans are like that as well 

Kandia: isn't he only like a fifth?

Unamo: really? I heard it was a full quarter

Anjay: not my business but I heard that DGH was a full half

Mitaka: maybe don't gossip about his percentage?

Unamo: m is right. We wanna befriend the general not get in his pants (Kandia stfu) what do we know about him?

Mitakia: he takes his coffee black?

Anjay: has red hair and wears shoulder pads 

Trech: how do you know that?

Anjay: last battle I fell and accidentally grabbed his shoulder. Padding I tell you

Kandia: jealous 

Mitakia: I've asked phasma and she says that he really likes sweets and also this is getting out of hand. He also has a cat apparently??

Trech: what the hell is a cat?

Unamo: didn't peg him for the pet type, more of the drink whiskey and brood in the dark

Aderat: omg DGH is on the bridge

Anjay: yeah! Go night shift! This is your chance!

Trech: ask him about his cat (whatever that is)

Unamo: ask him what a cat is

Kandia: come up with a cover story first

Aderat: I said that someone reported a cat running around and I asked him what it was. 

Aderat: Guys I saw his data pad and hes texting LR, like a lot

Aderat: apparently a cat is a small mammalian feline with excellent companionship skills. 

Aderat: his is orange 

Aderat: he left again :(

Unamo: important information has been gained 

Trech: hes messaging LR?

Kandia: is he cheating on us?

Now online: Phasma 

Trech: you gave your  _ wife  _ the password?

Phasma: I bullied him into it

Kandia: i believe it

Phasma: just so you crazies know, Ren and Hux are friends. Have been for a couple of weeks. So disband. Hux has a friend and doesn't need groupies.

Kandia: I ship it

Anjay: what does that even mean?

Phasma is now offline 

Mitakia: she means well

Mitakia has been kicked from conversation for fifteen minutes 


	10. part ten: ren and hux chill with the cat

The ren report: headlines

  * How ripped is ren really?



  * The ren devison tells all: interviews with the troopers closest to the strongest man in the first order



  * Is ren looking for love? Finding out his choice in ladies



The Lord Kylo Ren himself chuckled. 

"What are you looking at?" Hux looked up from where he was waving a string for Millicent. 

"The Ren report." He said. 

  * The actual expense report on lord rens awesome destruction. 



Hux scoffed. "You don't write reports. You bully some poor trooper into doing it."

"Oh, no I mean my news site." 

"News site?" Hux waved the string around again. Millicent let it fall on her face without reacting. 

"Do you not go on shipnet?" 

"Waste of time." He sounded bored. "And they were promised a free speech unmoderated form. I dont think I'm aloud on there. We just screen it for disloyalty." 

"Any way, the Ren report is fans writing terrible articles about me. Like: how ripped is Ren really? What's his taste in women? Other crap like that. You have a fan page too. Our Dear General."

Armitage groaned. "I don't want to know."

"I hosts multiple chat rooms, one is just swapping pictures of you."

Hux covered his ears. "No. No. No." 

"Fine." Ren said. "Hey Armie, look over here." 

Hux uncovered his ears and raised his eyebrow in kylos general direction. Click.

"The hell Ren?!"

"Could sell this for a lot of credits." he waved the data pad about.

Hux dove for it. Kylo held it above his head and pushed at Hux’s chest. "Soft hair, casual shirt, little smile. I'll be a millionaire!"

Hux growled and did one of those complicated grappling moves, Kylo only got out of it because he was much stronger. The escape was a distraction enough and when Kylo got away Hux had the data pad and was deleting the picture. 

"Dick." Ren said. "I would have split the credits with you."

"I dont need credits. I need privacy and dignity." He held the data pad at arms length. "Why are there so many shots of my backside."

"It's a nice backside." Ren said snatching it away. "I thought you didn't want to know."

"I don't."

"Wanna get drunk?"

"Yeah sure."


	11. part 11: Snoke gets bored and schemes a little

Snoke was sitting on his throne, Dire luxuriously draped across his lap and sound asleep. He was happy and spying on his favorite potential murderer and the Ginger General. It was good kylo had a friend. Snoke could do all sorts of fun things like have kylo kill him or have kylo send him to his death or have kylo kill him. Was Snoke losing his creativity in his old age? surely not. 

his apprentice was arguing on the bridge with a young looking officer who was taking his allotted twenty minute break. Sadly the security cameras did not supply sound. He could guess what they were talking about judging by how discreet Ren was trying to be and failing. His obsession with the culinary arts had gotten out of hand. Snoke hadn't had time to rein it in while he searched for a suitable partner for his little Kylo. 

There really weren't that many aesthetically pleasing officers who were still single and played for kylos team so to speak. It was also very hard to get Kylo to do things like have a ‘chance’ romantic encounter in the offecers lounge after a hard day of work where he could have a lovely conversation with some young angry thing and then invite him back to his quarters where they could have all the hate sex Kylo deserved. Ah, young love. 

Sadly the general was a bust. He had tried letting his cat out and having Kylo hunt it down. No dice. Not even a teary thank you from the redheaded brat. Snoke had decided that they were better off as friends, or better yet if snoke could engineer a falling out and turn them against each other. They worked far too well together at times and snoke wasn't quite ready to die. He still had to do things, like kill of his in laws. 

For the thousandth time Snoke went over the personnel list on the finalizer and came across a junior radar specialist by the name of Tolson Aderat. Terrible name, snoke had learned that adults took offence when assigned a new name so nothing to do about that. He was not overly pretty in Snoke’s opinion. Olive skin, kind of small and mousey. Semetrial enough features though. No indication that he wasn’t leaning towards the more masculine sex.

He couldn't trap them together in an elevator. That didn't go well and Snoke didn't really want to repeat himself. He sat and pondered as Dire snored away drooling a little bit on his golden robe. They had met in a bar fight, but Kylo was anti social. Maybe he could get Hux to befriend the poor kid and then Kylo could fuck their mutual friend. Yes that would work. Then he could have Kylo kill Hux. Sadly Hux was the best general he currently had. He could have Kylo grow to hate Hux. Nice, that would work. 

Snoke had access to all of his people's correspondence. That included kylo’s talk with the mitaka family about setting up a dinner party. Lovely, the Dopheld boy constantly talked to Snoke’s newest target for matchmaking. Why not influence Dopheld to invite some of his own friends. Lovely. 

He opened a window to send Kylo a message.

‘Dearest apprencise, 

Good job being social and making plans. Remember that shore leave is coming up and you should go find some nice go-go boy to let off some steam, maybe get drunk and start a fight. That would make me happy. Don't make the locals too angry though. 

Love Snoke.’

There that would throw Kylo off his plans. Snoke began scheming.


End file.
